Life has been pretty darn great lately.

And by pretty darn, I mean really, legitimately great.

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About two weeks ago I made the decision to stop taking my anti-depression medication. I've been on this medication for about six months, and I am relieved to no longer be on it. This decision has come with a simple realization; a realization that has rocked the foundation of my heart, and a realization that I earnestly pray will impact the rest of my life....

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Let it go.

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That's right. Three words have drastically altered my outlook on my world. I'll explain...

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When I was diagnosed with depression, I was searching for a diagnosis. I desperately needed someone to tell me that I was sick and needed help. Well, I got help....in the form of pills. These pills acted as a band-aid on the gunshot wound that was my heart at the time. They helped, sure, but would never even begin to fix the real problem. I was sick, I still am sick...but I honestly don't believe the disease is "depression."

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The real problem is my broken heart. As a Christ follower, I have accepted the truth that I am broken and lost, but through Jesus' love I am found and healed. I accepted that truth about two years ago...but never fully realized the impact of His love until about two weeks ago. I felt so incredibly trapped by my sin and depravity, and I knew my hardened heart was the real reason for my depression. And at that moment, I realized that I had to let it go.

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I have to let go of these feelings of imperfection, needing desperately to be happy, and desiring affirmation. I have to let go of the sadness, disappointment, and worry. I have to let go of the hurt, betrayal, and loneliness. 

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Instead, I have to put on joy...real life joy. The kind that unnaturally radiates through me because God's spirit is living inside me. I have to put on love...real life love. The difficult kind that 'covers a multitude of sins' and loves the people (including myself) that I don't always want to love. And I have to put on truth...real life truth. The bible kind of truth.

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 In my search for a diagnosis, I found one. My sinful heart that is so engulfed in earthly desires it is ridiculous. And thankfully, I've also found the cure. A real cure, not just one that will make me feel warm fuzzies and make me think everything in this world is perfect and magical. But a cure that has stood the test of time, that is eternal, and that is God-breathed. I've found my cure in the words of God.

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So....life is pretty darn great right now. In these past two weeks, I've been happier than I have been in about six months, pill free. Praise God!

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