God Doesn't Make Junk

-I carry around a whole lot of resentment towards events and people in my past.

-My pride gets in the way of me connecting with people, being honest with them and myself, asking for help, and letting go.

-I live in this warped gradient scale where I compare myself to every single person I know in terms of; the stuff I have, the friends I have, the size of jeans I wear, popularity, etc etc. You name it, I've thought about how much I am lacking with it.

-Comparing and judging go hand in hand with me. When I feel like I am inferior to someone, I start judging in order to build myself back up.

-I hang onto un-confessed sexual sin.

-I crave everything. New cell phones, chacos, relationships, big rings, experiences, cookies, facebook etc. I always seem to be needing something more.

-I get lazy with my relationships, my cleanliness, my spiritual discipline...I'd rather keep to myself and rot away on the couch all day than go out and deal with all the clutter of people, events, or circumstances I just don't want to be in.

-I get angry at the smallest, most insignificant things.

-I feel the need to control my future plans, my finances, my relationships, and the heart of my faith.

-I get disappointed when instant gratification isn't in the cards.

-Every morning I have the choice to build onto Sara's Kingdom, or God's...and most of the time I choose my own.

.....So there it is. A condensed and brief list of some of the dead weight I carry around every day.....

Some days, I feel ready to let go of all this crap. But most days, I cling onto it for dear life. It's comfortable. It's what I live in every single day, and I have gotten used to it...made my little home in it all. I get nervous to let God chip away at it, and reveal what's underneath. What good could be under all that junk? Masterpiece?? Hahahaha noooo not here. Maybe more like this:

A canvas with a bunch of different random colors thrown on it...with no order, no matching, no harmony. All the different things in my 'list' are different colors, none of them are particularly pretty to look at....and when you put them all together, yikes! Not exactly what I would call art...let alone a 'masterpiece' that's for sure.

I know that God created me with this divine purpose to love others and spread the Gospel. But dang, I'm having a hard time doing that when I'm trying to wade through all the colors I have going on. I want to discover what's underneath it all...because that's what God intended the world to see when He made me. He didn't create me to show the world my resentment, laziness, anger, or my judgement, but rather love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I have been ready for some time now for God to swoop down with his magic marker and erase all the junk I've been carrying around, I just don't know how to really let go. So here we go. I think it's time for some spring cleaning. Maybe we will focus on one color at a time, work on it until it's all chipped away. Maybe we will chip at each color just a little bit every day until the 'masterpiece' underneath can shine through. I don't know how this goes...it's up to the Big Guy, but I really think I'm ready to heed my own advice and Let Go and Let God.