You Show Me, I'll Find My Way

Yikes, I haven't been very good about updating this lately. Life has gotten busy for me, and unfortunately I haven't been getting much time for myself to process all my thoughts. I got really good at that earlier this semester, and was able to think clearly most of the time because I could sit down, put them on paper and sort through all my messy thoughts. I can tell now that I need to make time for myself to do that more often, because I have been getting so bogged down with all the things running through my mind.

One of the major things I have been wrestling with lately is trying to understand where to draw the line between God's plan and my footwork. In a nutshell, I have been so concerned about finding a job this summer that I have been questioning God's capacity to take care of me. That's the thing; I trust that He will provide for me and that He has a plan mapped out for my life, but when does it become my responsibility and not His? Where's the line? In my tiny view of things, I see it as pretty black and white: If I don't have a job this summer, I don't know how I will stay afloat next year. I can't keep depending on my parents to provide me with my basic necessities, and I want some sort of financial freedom from them desperately. But what if that's not what God has in mind? I'm nervous that my plan this summer won't involve a job, and how that would affect me next year. I worry. I get anxious. And I start wavering in my faith that God will provide.

I needed a message like the one Steve gave at church this morning to keep me in check. One of the intrinsic characteristics of God is His sovereignty. What does that mean? Well, it means that because God is THE creator of the universe, he has the ability to do what He wants with it, and is accountable to no one. This would be terrifying if a human were controlling the universe...could you imagine the chaos that would ensue if that were true? Fortunately, God isn't human, and most importantly God is GOOD, and incapable of evil. So he uses his sovereignty over the universe, men and women, animals, politics, and the desires of the human heart for GOOD. Woah. The God of the Universe chose to have me be born during this time, to my particular family, in Spokane Washington because he knows what he's doing.

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 17

As hard as it is to wrap my mind around the idea that God has an exact plan for all the days of my life, I have to force myself to relinquish control and have faith in that. I know the feeling of letting him write my story for me, and it is incredible. When I chose to stay at MSU, it was not by my own decision. But I knew that God had some sort of plan mapped out for me here, and it was my turn to trust in Him with all that I had. Taking a leap of faith by simply agreeing to stay put and see what he has up his sleeve.

So here we go God, let's see what you have for me now. I have my ideas about the next few months, but I am ready to do what you desire for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

:)